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手表
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I look around me and the room has changed imperceptibly and overtly.There are elephants on thin legs lining the walls, the people around me have become giant insects,my watch melts and slowly drips from my wrist.A Dalinian dream? A Kafkaesque nightmare?The breeze of surrealism blows through my hair; an existential whirlwind captures my imagination.
In the images of these two great creators,I see reflections of beautiful and insatiable imaginations, completely undisciplined, unbounded;yet full of the magic and power of the artists’ visions.These images are not as true as photographs, but they are a hundred times more honest.I, too, often find myself misrepresenting the world.In the midst of a truly dreary lecture I sometimes force wakefulness upon myself by images of what I am learning,and instead of seeing my teacher carrying on about the military campaigns of the Civil War,I see muskets blazing against raised flags.
More often, I see my life as an adventure; romanticized, idealized, exhilarating.Instead of seeing a boring test of memory, I see a test of will; instead of a debate,I see a battle of wits; instead of seeing the photographic image of life,I see the existential and intoxicating war of man against Fate itself.In these images I am sometimes challenged by faceless opponents,sometimes I am climbing a mountain. Perhaps I am fighting a bull or jumping on rooftops.
At times I question the benefits of reinventing the world to suit my fancy.It is true, of course, that everyone does this.Even the strictest of thinkers cannot avoid letting their own vision of the world show through in their works.Dali and Kafka are not exceptions, they are extremes. Why are we all so eager to get away from reality?I find that I, like many others, often don’t seem to fuly belong. But of course I do belong,this is my world as much as anyone else’s.I try to solve this contradiction between the perceived andthe real by altering the world ever so slightly a horse drawn carriage instead of a car, a prize winning essay rather than another homework assignment so that it finds its place around me.
A simple solution indeed.We do not change ourselves to fit the world, but change the world to fit within us.A simple act of wish fulfillment, and all is done.And, of course, to melt a watch with the mind is far better than to enslave the intellect within the watch like a genie in a bottle.Freedom to think requires only so little,and to adjust the world to one’s thought is ever more noble than adjusting thought to the world.
我环顾周围,房间发生的变化微妙却又明显。墙壁上排列满长着细腿的大象,我四周的人都已变成了巨大的昆虫,我的手表熔化了,从我的手腕上慢慢地往下滴落。难道是达利式的梦?或者是卡夫卡式的噩梦?超现实主义的微风撩动着我的头发;存在主义的旋风俘获了我的想像力。
从这两位伟大创作者笔下的形象之中,我看到了其反射出的美丽的和永不满足的想像力,全然不守成规、狂放不羁,然而又充满了艺术家洞察力的神奇和力量。这些形象不如照片那么真实,但是又比照片可信一百倍。我也常常发现自己曲解了这个世界。在听那些着实乏味枯燥的讲演时,我有时对正在学习的东西打幵想像之门,使自己保持清醒;我所看到的并不是老师继续讲的美国内战中的战役,而是看到高举的旗帜下步枪在射击。
更多的时候,我把自己的生命视为一次冒险,极富传奇色彩,而且又理想化,令人激动振奋。在我眼中,令人厌倦的记忆力测试变成了对于意志力的检验;辩论变成了智慧之战;生活的画卷变成了人类与命运之神对抗的存在主义的,令人痴迷的战争。在这些画面里,有时我会遭遇无形的敌手的挑战,有时我又在登山。或许我正在和一头公牛鏖战,或许正在屋顶上跳来蹦去。
我时常会想,如果世界变为我想像的模样,将会有什么裨益。当然,每个人都确实这么想过。即使最严谨的思想家也会不可避免地在自己的作品中表现出他们对这个世界的设想。达利和卡夫卡也不例外,他们是极端的情况。为何我们都如此渴望逃离现实?我发现自己像许多人一样,经常看起来不太厲于这个世界。但是当然我又是属于这个世界的,因为这个世界是我的,就像它也是其他任何人的一样。我试图通过对这个世界作出细微的变动来解决感知与真实之间的矛盾马车代替了小轿车,获奖的散文代替了家庭作业以便世界在我身边找到自己的位置。
这真是个简单的解决办法。我们并不是改变自己来适应这个世界,相反,我们改变世界,以让它适应我们。就靠简单的心愿之旅,一切都可以做到。当然,用意识熔化手表远比被手表束 缚住才智好得多,后者就像精灵被瓶子困住手脚一样。思想的自由并不要求太多;调整世界,使之适合我们的思想,要比调整 自己的思想使之适合世界高贵得多。
生活的艺术
The art of living is to know when to hold fast and when to let go.For life is a paradox: it enjoins us to cling to its many gifts even while it ordains their eventual relinquishment. The rabbis of old put it thisway: “A man comes to this world with his fist clenched, but when he dies, his hand is open.”Surely we ought to hold fast to life, for it is wondrous, and full of a beauty that breaks through every pore of God’s own earth. We know that this is so, but all too often we recognize this truth only in our backward glance when we remember what was and then suddenly realize that it is no more.We remember a beauty that faded, a love that waned. But we remember with far greater pain that we did not see that beauty when it flowered,that we failed to respond with love when it was tendered.
A recent experience re-taught me this truth. I was hospitalized following a severe heart attack and had been in intensive care for several days. It was not a pleasant place.One morning, I had to have some additional tests. The required machines were located in a building at the opposite end of the hospital, so I had to be wheeled across the courtyard on a gurney.As we emerged from our unit, the sunlight hit me.That’s all there was to my experience. Just the light of the sun. And yet how beautiful it was—how warming, how sparking, how brilliant! I looked to see whether anyone else relished the sun’s golden glow, but everyone was hurrying to and fro,most with eyes fixed on the ground. Then I remembered how often I, too, had been indifferent to the grandeur of each day, too preoccupied with petty and sometimes even mean concerns to respond from that experience is really as commonplace as was the experience itself:life’s gifts are precious,but we are too heedless of them.
Here then is the first pole of life’s paradoxical demands on us: never too busy for the wonder and the awe of life. Be reverent before each dawning day. Embrace each hour. Seize each golden minute.Hold fast to life, but not so fast that you cannot let go. This is the second side of life’s coin, the opposite pole ofits paradox: We must accept our losses, and learn how to let go.This is not an easy lesson to learn, especially when we are young and think that the world is ours to command, that whatever we desire with the fullforce of our passionate being can,nay will be ours. But then life moves along to confront with realities,and slowly but surely this truth dawns upon us.At every stage of life we sustain losses,and grow in the process.
We begin our independent lives only when we emerge from the womb and lose its protective shelter. We entera progression of schools, then we leave our mothers and fathers and our childhood homes. We get married and have children and then have to let them go. We confront the death of our parents and our spouses. We face the gradual or not so gradual waning of our strength. And ultimately, as the parable of the open and closed hand suggests, we must confront the inevitability of our own demise, losing ourselves as it were, allthat we were or dreamed to be.
生活的艺术是要懂得如何取舍。因为生活本身自相矛盾:它一面告诫我们珍惜它所赐予的诸多恩惠,一面又注定最终将其全部收回。古时犹太教的拉比对此这样诠释:“一个人初降人世时手紧握成拳,撒手人寰时却手掌张开。”我们当然应该牢牢抓住生活,因为它奇妙无比、美不胜收,渗透了上帝的每一寸土地。我们明白这一点,但往往是在忆及往事、蓦然回首却发现好景不再时才有所感触。我们记得凋零的美,消褪的爱。但我们更痛楚地忆起,在美丽绽放时没有欣赏那份美丽,在情意绵绵时没有回应那份爱意。
最近的经历让我重新认识到这个真理。在严重心脏病发作后,我被送进医院,在重症室住了好几天。那可不是令人愉快的地方。一天早晨,我不得不再做些其它检查。所需的器械在医院对面尽头的一幢楼里,因此我必须被推着从院子经过。检查完出来时,阳光照在我身上。那是我当时感受到的一切。和煦的阳光,多么美丽,多么温暖,多么耀眼,多么灿烂!环顾四周,想看其他人是否也在欣赏这金灿灿的阳光,但来来去去的每个人都行色匆匆,眼睛大都盯着地面。这时,我忆起我也经常因被琐碎、有时甚至毫无意义的事占据头脑而每天对这样壮观的景色熟视无睹。就在那一刻,我突然意识到生活的馈赠是多么珍贵,而我们却忽视了它们。
这就是生活自相矛盾要求我们的第一极:不要因生活过于忙碌而忽略了它的奇妙和庄严。在每个黎明到来之前心怀敬意。拥抱每一小时。抓住珍贵的每分钟。抓住生活,但不要抓得太紧,以致于无法放弃。这是生活硬币的另一面,也是其矛盾的另一极:我们必须接受失去,并且学会放弃。要学会这一课并非易事,尤其当我们年轻气盛时,自认为是世界的主宰,认为用充满激情的躯体全力追求的东西能够,而且最终将会是我们的。但光阴荏苒,面对现实,我们才渐渐明白并非如此。在人生的每个阶段我们都会蒙受损失,并在此过程中成长。
我们只有脱离母体、失去庇护所时才开始独立生活。我们进入各级学校,然后离开父母。我们结婚生子,然后再放飞子女。我们面对父母和配偶的离世。我们逐渐或很快变得衰弱。最终,如同张开和握紧的手的寓言,我们必须面对不可避免的死亡,失去原来的自 我,失去我们原有的或梦想的一切。
十月的日出
I was up the next morning before the October sunrise, and away through the wild and thewoodland. The rising of the sun was noble in the cold and warmth of it; peeping down thespread of light, he raised his shoulder heavily over the edge of gray mountain and waveringlength of upland. Beneath his gaze the dew-fogs dipped and crept to the hollow places, thenstole away in line and column, holding skirts and clinging subtly at the sheltering cornerswhere rock hung over grass-land, while the brave lines of the hills came forth, one beyond othergliding.
The woods arose in folds, like drapery of awakened mountains, stately with a depth of awe,and memory of the tempests. Autumn"s mellow hand was upon them, as they owned already,touched with gold and red and olive, and their joy towards the sun was less to a bridegroomthan a father. Yet before the floating impress of the woods could clear itself, suddenly thegladsome light leaped over hill and valley, casting amber, blue, and purple, and a tint of rich redrose, according to the scene they lit on, and the curtain flung around; yet all alike dispellingfear and the cloven hoof of darkness, all on the wings of hope advancing, and proclaiming, "God is here!" Then life and joy sprang reassured from every crouching hollow; every flowerand bud and bird had a fluttering sense of them, and all the flashing of God"s gaze merged intosoft beneficence. So, perhaps, shall break upon us that eternal morning, when crag and chasmshall be no more, neither hill and valley, nor great unvintaged ocean; when glory shall not scarehappiness, neither happiness envy glory; but all things shall arise, and shine in the light of theFather"s countenance, because itself is risen.
十月日出前的一个早晨,我起身,穿过荒野和丛林。在十月的清晨,乍暖还寒之时,日出绚丽而高贵;他在苍老连绵的大山之巅用力地伸展着他的臂膀,划破那抹晨光。 在他的凝视之下,蒙蒙的雾气缓缓散落潜向谷底,继而丝丝缕缕地溜走,笼住峭壁,狡黠地隐匿于悬在草地之上的岩石中,随即群山的雄姿逐渐呈现,山峦也越发清晰。
树木层叠的出现,像苏醒的大山的帷幔一样,威武庄严,引起狂风暴雨的回忆。 秋用温柔的手抚摩着它们,像已拥有的那样,点缀着金色,红色和橄榄色,它们对朝阳所怀有的喜悦,像是奉献给一位新郎,更像是奉献给一位父亲。 然而就在树木模糊的形象即将清晰之前,突然那道令人愉悦的光芒跳过丘陵和山谷,依照他们停落的那一幕,射出了琥珀,蓝,紫以及华丽的玫瑰红,接着帘幕一甩, 所有的一切驱散了恐惧和黑暗中的邪恶,所有的一切都插上希望之翼开始前进,渐渐清晰,"上帝就在这里!" 生命和喜悦的出现使所有在低谷中蜷缩的充满信心,每朵花、每颗芽、每只鸟都在生命和喜悦之中悸动,所有上帝凝视的光芒都融入了温和的慈悲之中。 所以,或许,当峭壁和深渊,丘陵和山谷,浩瀚的但不古老的海洋不再有,当荣耀不会吓跑幸福,幸福也不再嫉妒荣耀的时候,那无边无尽的早晨才会被打破。 所有的一切都将升起,在上帝的面容呈现的光辉之中闪耀,因为它已升起。
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